Ramblings...

I feel like today might be a rambling....a rambling of God thoughts I have been having. I think that's okay, because when my mind goes 90 mph with God, it has no room for other things...it may lack direction, but it is not without zeal.

In the rumblings of my spirit, I feel the undertone of something great going to happen. I don't know what that means, or what that will look like, but I feel it. When I got home from Jonesboro, one of my neighbors came out and said, "Something great is going to happen to you...I can feel it" I received it, with open arms.

Yesterday in church the pastor spoke on something that really ministered to me. He was speaking of Jesus' encounter with Peter, specifically when he was called to be a fisher of men. He asked the question, "What happened to the fish?" When Peter, who's worldly identity was a fisherman, had the best catch of his life, it says he left all he had and followed the Lord. Pastor Li, then challenged the body in this: If you were given everything in your earthly identity...you had the catch of your life...would you be able to leave it all and find your truest identity in Jesus.

GLORAYYYYY!

I have been spending time focusing in on what is the next step in my life. I don't know yet, but I'm seeking the face of God right now in order to find out. I am seeing myself as more of an administrator these days, because I can't seem to find my vision, but I know when I do figure it out, I can put into action.

Esther

My mother recently challenged me to do a study on the people in the Bible who had a call on their life. She recommended this because, I have a bit of an issue with finding my purpose in life and truly understanding my calling.

So I began my journey in Esther. I'm only in chapter 4 of the book I have read so very many times before, but I'm seeing so much.

The power of Faith, faith in a God who isn't even mentioned in the book. Mordecai, truly amazes me. He believed in Esther long before Esther believed in Esther. He encouraged her to go, talked to her daily, and began to birth within her the vision of God's heart. A good father(uncle) is what he was. Someone who captured the heart of God and inspired his child to do the same.

For my Calvinist friends, I also believe predestination is a huge part of this story. God had a plan and he fulfilled it...for my Armenians I see that there was free will involved. Esther didn't have to go into the king's chambers and beg for her people, but she chose to knowing it was worth everything.

Preparation is key to this story as well. Everything is done within a certain and appropriate order.

Finally, I have noticed that the calling is not without hardship...The Jewish people were about to be annihilated, Mordecai was in deep anguish, Haman will die, and the king was embarrassed by Vashti...but this pain all led to the end purpose of God...interesting eh?

I'm still learning and still growing in understanding, but I am truly enjoying the revelation I have been given, thus far.

Change

Nine months ago, nearly to do the day, my life fell into a season of change, and it's changing and changing, and changing. Nothing seems to be the same anymore except for one thing, one constant, and that would be, of course, my Savior, Jesus Christ. Always faithful to the end as Cory Asbury might say.

A snapshot of where I have been:

After returning home from a mission trip to Australia, which radically shook my paradigm of God and threw him out of the box, of which I put Him in, one of my dearest friends tragically ended his life. This changed everything for me. After following the calling of the Lord, I ended up moving a couple hours away from Jonesboro and living in now what I call my home, Little Rock.

In the last 6 months of living there I have had a blast, I got a job as server and bartender, I was able to be close to my best friend who is probably the best part of me, and I have become a part of a church that shares the same heart that I have for the world.

But for the last month, my heart has ached, and I have found myself falling into a deep pit of what I thought was unknown despair, yet after much prayer and mentoring I'm realizing it was more of a pit I dug for myself.

There are two things I have seen in my life:

1. I put hope in people not in God

2. I have lived a right life yet have not lived in deep righteousness

1.

I have believed in healing and help for people who did not receive it. I believed people were inherently better than they actually are, and when they fall, I become uncontrollably disappointed.

2.

I granted myself "grace"...I allowed my life to be permissible yet not beneficial for my total life. As Poet Ezekiel would say a right-ish life instead of a righteous life.

So here's where I stand, in a life always changing, yet with eyes directly on my Lord. I can't stop the change, but I can adapt.