Distant

So I haven't blogged in a while. I'm not sure why, I think its probably been because it has been hard for me. I have distanced myself from my Maker and I am returning, but that is not what anyone of my readers...all 2 of you...want to hear.

I was talking to a friend of mine last night and I had something on my mind. I kind of felt like growing up I built my foundation on the rock, the rock of Jesus Christ. "Jesus is my firm foundation, I know I can stand secure, Jesus firm foundation, I put my trust in his holy word...the name of the Lord is(clap, clap clap) a strong tower..." Okay, okay, I won't continue with the 80's maybe early 90's Christian praise music. Anyway, I have felt a bit like I have been on the sand. Like my foundation was shaking and I was sinking into the oblivion of what I thought I was secure in.

After considering my wavering, I began to feel like, it's not the foundation that's changed its just my house that I have built on it shaking like mad in the storms of this past year. You see, what saved me is the fact that I didn't build my house on the sand. Bless the Lord.

Turns out, growing up is hard, choosing God daily is harder than when I was a child. Choosing the world seems somewhat enticing but the world will not overcome me, I will overcome the world.

This song describes the life I live...I couldn't be more blessed to live it. It is written from the perspective of Naomi and Ruth.

Nichole Nordeman & Amy Grant – I’m With You Lyrics

Love is a hurricane in a blue sky
I didn’t see it coming, never knew why
All the laughter and the dreams
All the memories in between
Washed away in a steady stream

Love is a hunger; a famine in your soul
I thought I planted beauty, but it would never grow.
Now I’m on my hands and knees
trying to gather up my dreams
trying to hold on to anything

And we could shake a fist in times like this
When we don’t understand
Or we could just hold hands

You and me, me and you
Where you go I’ll go too
I’m with you, I’m with you
Until your heart, finds a home
I won’t let you feel alone
I’m with you, I’m with you, with you

You do your best to build a higher wall
To keep love safe from any wrecking ball
When the dust has cleared, we will
See the house that love rebuilds
Guarding beauty that lives here still

It’s you and me, me and you
Where you go I’ll go too
I’m with you, I’m with you
Until your heart, finds a home
I won’t let you feel alone
I’m with you, I’m with you

Who can say I’m left with nothing
When I have all of you, all of you, yeah
In the way you’ve always loved me
I remember. He does too

You and me, me and you
Where you go I’ll go too
I’m with you, I’m with you
Until your heart, finds a home
I won’t let you feel alone
I’m with you, I’m with you
(We’re gonna make it through)

You and me, me and you
Where you go I’ll go too
I’m with you, I’m with you
Until your heart, finds a home
I won’t let you feel alone
I’m with you, I’m with you

With you

beautiful things out of dust....

Well, here I am again, alone with my thoughts and expectations of life, not fully understanding, but hoping to grasp the full of affect of my calling one day. I have been emotional the last couple of days to say the very least.

I just want to share something that will forever bless my heart. It involves one of the most important people in my life, Carter Coven. I went to a ball game with the Coven family(for Grandpa's B-day), and had a blast. Without a doubt getting to know this wonderful family has been one of the highlights of my life. We were getting ready to leave the park and while walking out I spotted a homeless man, my first reaction was to ask if he needed any food, so I did, and he said he thought he was good for the night, he sent his blessings and we sent ours, and off to the grass we went to throw the ball around. We weren't two minutes into playing when Carter came up to me and said, we have got to get water for that homeless man, we have to. So we did, I took it to him and basically said, " Everyone can always use some more water," we chatted with him and introduced himself and I introduced the boys. We all shook hands and went on our ways. Walking away Carter started jumping and announced that he felt, " SOOO GOOD." He said, "I think this may be what I want to do with my life, help the homeless and maybe stay the night with them some. " I was so proud of his tender heart, and I told him so over and over. When we got into the car, I again I told him how proud of him I was. When I stopped gushing he said, "Emma, I just had to do it. One time I saw a homeless man who was begging, but saying to us God bless you, and I didn't do anything to help him, and I felt like I should have. I made a promise to myself that I would never let that happen again, so I had to do it. " SAKES ALIVE! I was now holding back the ugly cry(thinking that of course might disturb him enough to never do it again ;) ). Out of the mouths of babes.

I kept thinking, that this is the child Matthew would have wanted him to be. Tender-hearted to the point of action. And truthfully, with teary eyes as I type, I'm just sorry he wasn't able to witness it.

I have been listening to a song that has penetrating the core of my being called, "Beautiful Things" By the Gungor Band. The chorus of this song is simple, but true...Speaking of God he sings, "You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of dust, you make beautiful things you make beautiful things out of us." I saw the beauty of God last night watching Carter, I'm so thankful I was able to see God make something beautiful out of dust.

People Pleaser, much?

I was listening to a sermon by John Bevere on being a people more worried about pleasing others than pleasing God. I must say, one of my greatest and worst characteristics is to lift one's spirit through kind words, yet, sometimes I think I do it in order to feed a deep desire for people to be pleased with me and to like me, and to not leave me. He spoke of things that devastated my desire for self elevation, such as, whomever your source is, is whom you will serve. And it is that source that you will try not to offend. So if you're connected to God and he is your source then you work to please him and not offend him with your lifestyle...in the same manor if man is your source you work to please and not offend man...which is more important? I know the right answer and my answer...sadly, they don't line up, though I'm getting them in line.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"So...are you really okay?"

I have been hearing that a lot recently, and I think it's odd, because I have truly not been as good as I am right now, in a long time...as it goes for happiness level.

So for the last couple months I have been seeking what I should do next and it's a tad daunting to think of...actually really daunting, but I was reading a book by Shane Claiborne that really spoke to the depth of my heart yesterday and changed my heart motive of prayer for my future. The book was speaking about vision and how the greatest leaders have vision that will positively affect the people with whom they lead...they can see positive change for the world and then live it out. A truly powerful concept. As I was chewing on that, I began to ask myself what my vision is and I couldn't answer. You see, I have been praying for what will effect my next season, or what job to take, or where to live, but I think I was missing it. I believe God is saying, "Emma, find your vision and align your future in that."

The Lord is good and His mercy endures forever. The Lord is good.

Ramblings...

I feel like today might be a rambling....a rambling of God thoughts I have been having. I think that's okay, because when my mind goes 90 mph with God, it has no room for other things...it may lack direction, but it is not without zeal.

In the rumblings of my spirit, I feel the undertone of something great going to happen. I don't know what that means, or what that will look like, but I feel it. When I got home from Jonesboro, one of my neighbors came out and said, "Something great is going to happen to you...I can feel it" I received it, with open arms.

Yesterday in church the pastor spoke on something that really ministered to me. He was speaking of Jesus' encounter with Peter, specifically when he was called to be a fisher of men. He asked the question, "What happened to the fish?" When Peter, who's worldly identity was a fisherman, had the best catch of his life, it says he left all he had and followed the Lord. Pastor Li, then challenged the body in this: If you were given everything in your earthly identity...you had the catch of your life...would you be able to leave it all and find your truest identity in Jesus.

GLORAYYYYY!

I have been spending time focusing in on what is the next step in my life. I don't know yet, but I'm seeking the face of God right now in order to find out. I am seeing myself as more of an administrator these days, because I can't seem to find my vision, but I know when I do figure it out, I can put into action.

Esther

My mother recently challenged me to do a study on the people in the Bible who had a call on their life. She recommended this because, I have a bit of an issue with finding my purpose in life and truly understanding my calling.

So I began my journey in Esther. I'm only in chapter 4 of the book I have read so very many times before, but I'm seeing so much.

The power of Faith, faith in a God who isn't even mentioned in the book. Mordecai, truly amazes me. He believed in Esther long before Esther believed in Esther. He encouraged her to go, talked to her daily, and began to birth within her the vision of God's heart. A good father(uncle) is what he was. Someone who captured the heart of God and inspired his child to do the same.

For my Calvinist friends, I also believe predestination is a huge part of this story. God had a plan and he fulfilled it...for my Armenians I see that there was free will involved. Esther didn't have to go into the king's chambers and beg for her people, but she chose to knowing it was worth everything.

Preparation is key to this story as well. Everything is done within a certain and appropriate order.

Finally, I have noticed that the calling is not without hardship...The Jewish people were about to be annihilated, Mordecai was in deep anguish, Haman will die, and the king was embarrassed by Vashti...but this pain all led to the end purpose of God...interesting eh?

I'm still learning and still growing in understanding, but I am truly enjoying the revelation I have been given, thus far.

Change

Nine months ago, nearly to do the day, my life fell into a season of change, and it's changing and changing, and changing. Nothing seems to be the same anymore except for one thing, one constant, and that would be, of course, my Savior, Jesus Christ. Always faithful to the end as Cory Asbury might say.

A snapshot of where I have been:

After returning home from a mission trip to Australia, which radically shook my paradigm of God and threw him out of the box, of which I put Him in, one of my dearest friends tragically ended his life. This changed everything for me. After following the calling of the Lord, I ended up moving a couple hours away from Jonesboro and living in now what I call my home, Little Rock.

In the last 6 months of living there I have had a blast, I got a job as server and bartender, I was able to be close to my best friend who is probably the best part of me, and I have become a part of a church that shares the same heart that I have for the world.

But for the last month, my heart has ached, and I have found myself falling into a deep pit of what I thought was unknown despair, yet after much prayer and mentoring I'm realizing it was more of a pit I dug for myself.

There are two things I have seen in my life:

1. I put hope in people not in God

2. I have lived a right life yet have not lived in deep righteousness

1.

I have believed in healing and help for people who did not receive it. I believed people were inherently better than they actually are, and when they fall, I become uncontrollably disappointed.

2.

I granted myself "grace"...I allowed my life to be permissible yet not beneficial for my total life. As Poet Ezekiel would say a right-ish life instead of a righteous life.

So here's where I stand, in a life always changing, yet with eyes directly on my Lord. I can't stop the change, but I can adapt.

The Gift

The Gift

Open your ears and open your eyes; put out your dainty hands and take a hold of mine. For, I want to lead you, and I want you to follow.

Open your ears and open your eyes; put out your dainty hand and take a hold of mine. For I have a gift I want to give you. This is a gift from above to you below. Use this gift liberally and tell everyone you know, who the Giver was.

Open your ears and open your eyes; put your dainty hands and take a hold of mine. Your carnal mind cannot receive the gift I now pour on thee. A gift for the masses, a gift for just one, to be harnessed and shared with everyone.

Open your ears and open your eyes; put out your dainty hands and take a hold of mine. I'll speak to you in your terms. Be a mother to the motherless, a father to the fatherless. Remove your stereotypes and give My gift like I am watching.

Open your ears and open your eyes; put your dainty hands and take a hold of mine.
LOVE.

Emily Gnagey
10-13-09

What is worship?

I believe it's John Piper who says, " Missions exist because worship doesn't." I think that's a great point, and a great quote considering those two things are what make my heart beat. I love worship and I love missions. Missions is easy to understand, you give hope to anyone who needs it by sharing the hope you have in Christ...In the art world that would be like realism. But when we start talking about worship it becomes more abstract, and even maybe a little non-objective. The definitions of worship aren't great, its people's version of how they worship. But I don't think that's what worship is.

I was reading in Revelation 19 and in verses 9 and 10 it says this.

Then the angel said to me, "Write 'Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!' " And he added, "These are the true words of God"

At this I fell at his feet to worship him. But he said to me, "Do not do it! I am a fellow servant with you and with your brothers who hold to the testimony of Jesus. Worship God! For the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy."

I believe this is what worship is. And there are three points that I see, as I take a look at this passage.

1. BE AT THE WEDDING SUPPER!

This should be the obvious, but to truly worship God, we must know him intimately and know for sure that when Christ comes back and takes His bride, we are a part of that group. We must embody the spirit of a member of the Bride of Christ.

2. INVITE THOSE AROUND YOU TO BE AT THE WEDDING FEAST AS WELL.

It doesn't necessarily say that here, but I believe that is the implication. The time is short tell everyone you know about that hope you have in Christ and make sure they are sitting at the head table of the wedding feast with you and all the other believers.

3. WORSHIP GOD!

This is one of the most important parts of this verse. As I read about John falling to worship at the feet of the angel and the angel saying, "get up" I realized we as Christians do this all the time. We worship the things of God, but in our prideful service worship, we forget to just admire God and fall at his feet. Think about it, why do you love worship? It's the feeling you get when you are in the presence of God, isn't it? I submit that it is not worship, its a part of worship, and a part of God, but not true worship. We worship the emotions we get when sing. No! Worship is a lifestyle of daily(every moment of the day) gift of bestowing glory to God, because "His name and His renown are the desires of my heart." - Isaiah 26:8.


This is what I say. What do you think?

Insane.

Has America lost their mind, you know the world is going down hill when Barack Hussein Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize. For me this is the straw to break the camel's back. How long will the world look on this guy as their savior? Notice I don't capitalize savior, because he's no one's savior, he's an arrogant man who says nice words and does absolutely no good for our economy. The U.S. failed when they elected him president, and the the Nobel Peace Prize committee failed by giving him this. Insane.

What peace has he brought to the world? That was the question streaming the Internet today, there answer went something like this, "It's not whether he has created peace, but that he wants peace." Bull Crap! I want peace too, so where's my prize? What they were really trying to do was fly in the face of George Bush, "Who only brought violence." Insane.

Well, I guess I can see why he would win, with people like, Nelson Mandela, Doctor's Without Borders, The United Nations Peacekeeping force, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King Jr., and The Red Cross as his predecessors. Since BHO is so up to par with these peacekeepers. Ridiculous! What a mockery a shame for those who went before him. What a mockery of the Nobel Peace Prize. Insane.

Giving this to our President, is like giving Heisman to a dedicated football fan. It would NEVER happen. He said he was "humbled." Insane.

(I was going to write about a word from Revelation, and maybe soon I will, but I coudn't not blog about this)

What is man that you are mindful of him

Here's my life right now:

Work
School
Church
Church Work
Worship
School
Work
School
Work
depression.

The monotony of life has set in and has brought a slight depression. My dear friends the Wixted's are moving away, and now I'm left in the town I despise, with few around me. I have decided not to make anymore friends because it hurts to bad to lose them.

Spiritually I'm bi-polar. My struggles consume on some days in which I say basically, so what God I'm hurting, why not sin...I know this is wrong, but it truly is what I think. Or I have days when I feel like life is so good, I can't stand it. The Lord in the recent years have given me a heart of a visionary, and sometimes I glimpse the moment my life will move on. But for now, I trudge, and in trudging, and falling, and getting up, one day I will stand in the glory of God. Tonight I'm not a well done faithful servant, but one day, I will. For Your glory, I stand. For Your glory, I get back up. For Your glory, I will try again, to be the woman you have created me to be.

okay so I had absolutely no time on the trip to blog...sorry to anyone who tried to keep up with it. I am in TX again. There is too much to even write about in one blog, but I must say it was an amazing thing to share hope to the hopeless, watch miracles take place, and watch scales fall of the eyes of the spiritually blind.

I hate sin, I hate that I have compromised my faith because of sin, and I hate that I didn't realize it until this trip. It is my new found desire to never compromise my beliefs for the feelings of other people. The challenge to defeat sin started the moment I said I hated it, in fact, it got harder to not compromise, than when I didn't recognize my sin. I could preach this, but I won't, because no one reads this blog anyway...

So, I'll be home on Sunday...stories to come...

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This is the day that the Lord had made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.

Our MA's got in yesterday. It looks like we have a really solid group of men and women ready to touch Uganda.

The Lord has really been stretching me in my prayer life. I feel like I should be up before the missionaries, MA's and even the project director, to be praying for the day, those I'm around, and for the spirit of God to fall consistently on us. The difficult part is the getting up. After that it's all gravy....The other thing is, coffee is sparse. That is excruciating.

We had a mock severe weather storm this morning at 6:05 to practice our safety skills. NEXT...

Alright, if your cool enough to keep up with this...mom ;) , know that I'm so thankful for the prayers.

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Training began last night and we met up with our leadership team. They are really great and I really feel like God is knitting our hearts together for his glory.

I just wanted to share a little bit about our vision for this team.

Adrian, my co-leader, and I both feel God leading us to be servants. So our team name is Diakonos. Diakonos is the greek word for servant, more specifically, servant of a king. And we are in the pursuit of becoming better servants to our King. Our vision comes from John 13 where Jesus washes the disciples feet and says, " ...having loved those who were in the world, He now showed them the full extent of His love." If that is the full extent of his love is humbling himself and becoming a servant(phil 2) then that is how we will show our full extent of our love, Christ's love in us, to Uganda and our our team members. We want to pull people out of their self-centeredness and focus them first on God and then second on others. I was reading The Servant and I wrote down this quote: Loving serving, and extending ourselves for others forces us out of our self-centeredness....This is our hope.

I love you all and miss you!

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New hair, New Day

Goodness the Lord has been so very good to me. I feel much more confident in the fact that God is really going to use me. I still don't feel that prepared, but I am as prepared as I'm going to be. The thing I really need the most prayer about is my confidence in the mock crap. I have to go in front of project directors and share my net(the gospel) as well as do confrontations and counseling and its all fake and practice...so I'm not so stoked about that. But it will be okay.

I got my hair cut yesterday. I officially look so much like my sister its uncanny. So that's so cool.

love you all

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So we'll try this blogging thing again.

I'm in Garden Valley, Texas preparing to prepare for Uganda. I feel a little inadequate as I sit at this computer and type. The devil has really been hitting on my inadequacy today. But I refuse to let him have a foothold. This morning sitting at Mercy Ships Coffee House, I was struggling with moving past camp and getting on to mission trip mode, and God gave me the verse in Philippians 3:13-14 "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus"

I feel like I'm ready to move forward, I have been spending a lot of the day preparing, and repreparing for what's ahead. I believe God is going to move in awesome and powerful ways. I felt kind of down today, because I noticed I was about 100 dollars short of what I think I will need for this trip, but God will supply all of my needs according to His riches in glory.

For your glory I serve.

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Concecrated Lord to Thee

Well...Clearly, it's been May since I last posted. It's been a crazy summer. I went to New Orleans on a mission trip, I made some new friends, I started school, I quit my job, and I took a position as youth pastor at my church...Holy Cannoli!

God has been showing me that if we are not focused on and set on having our thoughts on the things of God and not the things of man, that ultimately, we become Satan to him, and become a stumbling block to those who are around us. (Matthew 16:23) It's hard, but God willing, he will purify my lips with the coal of His Spirit. O to know Him rightly and intimately!

On my mind is the old hymn...

Take my life and let it be
Consecrated, Lord to Thee
Take my time, Take my days
Let them flow in ceaseless praise

Take my hands and let them move
At the impulse of thy love
Take my feet and let them be
Swift and beautiful for thee(Chorus)

Take my voice and let me sing, always only for my King
Take my lips, let them be, filled with words from Thee
Take my love - Lord I pour, at Thy feet its treasure store
Ever, only, all for Thee

Take my will and make it Thine
It shall be no longer be mine
Take my heart - it is Thine own
It shall be Thy royal throne

(Repeat Chorus)

Ever, only, all for Thee

Vampire

So, I'm not a morning person. It's not something I am not ashamed of, but it's definitely something I claim to be, but clearly, am not. I am a coffee person. Mornings without coffee bring my frustration and exhaustion to a boiling point.

This morning I arrived at the coffee shop a little early. I thought I would get my work done. I actually thought I was pretty peppy despite the fact I opened our store before God opened day His. Let me preface this story with the fact that I get irritated when I am tired. It's a flaw, but it's definitely something I deal with. I get irritated at people walking slow/coming at all, basically anything. I also don't think clearly and frequently forget I have scones cooking or that I need to open the register before my first customer. Today wasn't out of the ordinary. I was irritated and forgetful.

I went outside for my daily cup of coffee in the fresh air and the sun was so bright! I literally said, " Stupid Sun, you are way brighter than you ever need to be! You need to go behind a cloud!" Yes, if your wondering I did throw a hissy fit over the fact that the sun was bright.

Through that immature spout of emotion this morning, I realized something...

Sometimes I throw a fit over the fact that the Son is to bright for me. Sometimes he is glaring so dead in my eyes that I want to go back to be the way I was, because it's more comfortable.

Today in my mini rampage I forgot to feel the warmth that comes from the sun. I didn't see the beauty. I felt uncomfortable

How often do I miss the beauty and the warmth of the Lord for the sack of my comfortability?

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The term " Life is Short" is a tad cliche when your talking to people who are living and healthy. I would be one of those people. But no matter how much I hear it, it never ceases to shock me when someone I know passes away, especially when they are young.

Yesterday was a normal day. Nothing out of the ordinary occurred. I made coffee for people, took orders at the restaurant, went home, watched the Bachelor, the beginning of the news and went to bed. I woke up this morning to my first customer telling me that a man who frequented our coffee shop was killed in a major car wreck. My heart ached.

You see, had this just been one of our regulars it would have been a different story. But this man had been in our shop for the first time in a while not 4 hours before he crossed the yellow line of the highway and hit a truck head on. This man had a past, that I knew about. And I'm positive that when I saw him, I judged him for his past and not for his future. I wasn't mean, but I wasn't incredibly nice either. I was just doing my job. I guess what I didn't realize was that this was my last moment with him to ever be Christ to him again.

My thought processes came to a screeching halt as began to pour over our last conversation, which was only about 1 min long and included answers such as, "Yes, we have wireless internet here." But that was it, nothing special, but I know my heart, and that's what I will be judged for.

I am forced to see more clearly today. I hope my mistake causes someone to make the right choice before it is too late. Don't be afraid to love. I am not going to live life just acting like this is the last day of my life, I choose to live my life treating others as though it was our last moments together as well. I wish I would have made this choice yesterday.

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